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Funny Jokes in English

Funny Jokes in English

Funny Jokes in English

Funny Jokes in English 

A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punch line.

#1 Mad Cow Disease

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cows says to the other “Aren’t you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”

The other one says “Of course, I am not worried, I’m a horse!” 

#2 I am a Lightbulb

Two employees are talking.

The woman says:  “I am gonna make the boss give me the day off.”

The man replies, “How are you gonna do that?”

The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing up there?”

The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

The boss then says, “You’ve been working too much . I think you need to take the day off.”

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”

The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.” 

#3 You are a Good Dancer

Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.

Boy: What are the two things? 

Girl: Your feet. 

#4 I am a Bad Mother

Mike, do you think I’m a bad mother? 

My name is John.

#5 Dog on a Bike

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away

#6  School

Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick: “What school?

#7 Passionate  Kisser

A: Oh baby, since you started your diet, you’ve become such a passionate kisser.

B: What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

#8 I love that car

“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”

 “Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!

#9 Banana Peels 

Q. What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe?

A. Slippers!

#10 Come on Fathers

A teacher is talking to a student.

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework? 

Student: No, he did it all by himself.

#11 The Past Tense 

The teacher says: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?

The student says: Obviously it’s the past tense.

#12 Rest in Peace

Q: Why did the boy bury his flashlight?

A: Because the batteries were dead!

#13 Ted is Back

Difference between a beautiful night and a horror night.

Beautiful night is, When you hug your teddy bear and sleep.

Horror night is, When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.

#14 No More Fights Please

Today I saw two blind people fighting,
then I shouted “I’m supporting the one with the knife”,
they both ran away.

#15 Dreams are Dreams

1) I woke up
2) I went to school
3) I saw her
4) I ran to her, and I hugged her
5) I kissed her
Actually, the right order is 3, 4, 5, 1, 2

#16 Made in China

I asked why Wall of China is the wonder of the world!

Answer: It’s the only thing made in China that lasted years.

#17 Oh My Gosh

Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish! 

Riddles in English 

Riddles in English can be found here

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