Funny Jokes in English
A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punch line.
#1 Mad Cow Disease
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cows says to the other “Aren’t you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says “Of course, I am not worried, I’m a horse!”
#2 I am a Lightbulb
Two employees are talking.
The woman says: “I am gonna make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “How are you gonna do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing up there?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working too much . I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
#3 You are a Good Dancer
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
#4 I am a Bad Mother
Mike, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is John.
#5 Dog on a Bike
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away
Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Patrick: “What school?
#7 Passionate Kisser
A: Oh baby, since you started your diet, you’ve become such a passionate kisser.
B: What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!
#8 I love that car
“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…”
“Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!
#9 Banana Peels
Q. What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe?
#10 Come on Fathers
A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
#11 The Past Tense
The teacher says: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it’s the past tense.
#12 Rest in Peace
Q: Why did the boy bury his flashlight?
A: Because the batteries were dead!
#13 Ted is Back
Difference between a beautiful night and a horror night.
Beautiful night is, When you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is, When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
#14 No More Fights Please
Today I saw two blind people fighting,
then I shouted “I’m supporting the one with the knife”,
they both ran away.
#15 Dreams are Dreams
1) I woke up
2) I went to school
3) I saw her
4) I ran to her, and I hugged her
5) I kissed her
Actually, the right order is 3, 4, 5, 1, 2
#16 Made in China
I asked why Wall of China is the wonder of the world!
Answer: It’s the only thing made in China that lasted years.
#17 Oh My Gosh
Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish!
Riddles in English
Riddles in English can be found here